My work is taking over my life.
In October of 2019, I had the privilege of speaking at the LMA Southwest Regional Conference. The keynote presentation focused on building teams and included an interview with a NASA astronaut. I remember sitting in the room as the astronaut described how many of the astronauts at NASA were former military and how in the military the motto to work-life balance is simply: mission first. NASA has adopted this same motto when it comes to missions.
As I sat there listening to an astronaut discuss his very dangerous and incredibly high-stress job, the weight of his position landed on me. Astronauts have the lives of their crew members in their hands. If one person screws up, they all could die.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but think that I also had adopted this unrealistic motto for my own job. And let’s be honest, being a law firm executive can be high stress, but if I miss a meeting, nobody dies. Maybe my employee has to track me down later to ask for approval on some expense, a project gets delayed, or a new pricing structure doesn’t go into effect. But nobody dies.
Yet, I spend a lot of my time operating like my job is the single most important thing in my life. In fact, I’ve adopted a completely unhealthy viewpoint of how my identity is defined by my career success.
When Work & Self Identity Merge
It’s easy to fall into the trap of conversations around work at social events. Frequently when you go out with new friends or acquaintances the conversation can easily segway into a discussion of your work. What do you do? What is your job like? Do you enjoy it?
Does it make you feel important and proud to say you are a professional? A leader? A manager? It always has for me.
But when does the association between work identity and self-identity become unhealthy?
How to Fix an Unhealthy Work/Self Identity
You’re likely well-aware that your phone connected to your work email can be a dangerous thing for your personal time and vacation time away from the office. There’s tons of research and data to support the importance of employees taking a vacation and personal time to relax and rejuvenate. Yet, I see employees every day checking their work emails while out of the office for vacation or personal time.
Remember that your body and your mind needs time away from the office. Plus, your paycheck will thank you too.
According to the Harvard Business Journal, “People who took fewer than 10 of their vacation days per year had a 34.6% likelihood of receiving a raise or bonus in a three-year period of time. People who took more than 10 of their vacation days had a 65.4% chance of receiving a raise or bonus.”
Truly disconnecting from work can be one of the healthiest things you can do for your self-identity and your professional identity longterm.
(2) Set personal goals outside of work.
It’s a new decade. With a new decade comes new opportunities to set new goals and accomplishments for the next ten years that don’t revolve around work. What would it look like to finally learn a new language? Buy your dream home? Finally, going to start that side hustle?
Allowing yourself time to learn a new skill unrelated to work or spend time in a creative activity outside of work can help you not only develop friends outside of work but also help you associate your self worth with something other than your professional performance.
For example, this year I made it a personal goal of mine to spend less time on my phone before bed. To do this, I decided I would take up a new skill/hobby. I decided I wanted something productive yet fairly inexpensive and easy to do. So, I took up learning to crochet.
Upon realizing how much my sleep has greatly improved as a result of this new hobby, I began telling my friends and colleagues. Little did I know, many of them were also avid knitters and/or crocheters. One change to a simple sleep routine has helped me find a new network and topic of conversation with all my friends inside and outside of work.
(3) Build a strong network beyond work.
As you begin to develop new skills outside of work thanks to your new goals, you may find a new network develops organically for you, as it did for me with crocheting.
But if you decide to take up more of a solo hobby, you may find that building a network outside of work might feel more challenging. This is where I’d challenge you to not think of your network as only those who live in your locality.
Truly disconnecting from work can be one of the healthiest things you can do for your self-identity and your professional identity longterm.
For example, my husband and I love board games. We regularly play with a group of friends on the weekends and we are always buying new ones to teach each other. My husband is also in a book club, a men’s group focused on various men’s issues, and he plays Dungeons & Dragons with his friends monthly. Finding people with hobbies similar to yours can help you create an immediate network unassociated with your profession. This makes it so much easier to separate your professional and self-identity.
Remember: You are more than your salary.
Ever feel like the only number that really matters is your salary? Well, that’s definitely not true. This is why I think it’s important to have a clear understanding of how you track your performance professionally and personally with a brag book. Reflecting back on all you’ve accomplished both professionally and personally can have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself when your salary isn’t reflecting your true value.
Remember, it takes time to get to six figures. But most importantly, once you get to six figures then what? I guarantee you that a nice paycheck won’t be enough to keep you happy for long without healthy personal habits, goals, and a strong support system. It’s so important for you to evaluate yourself on the three criteria above, so your work identity doesn’t overcome your personal identity.
On that note, if you don’t know what a brag book is or how to make one, I’ll include some links below with information on how you can get started building yours.
More Resources
Hi, I’m Jessica
As an internationally recognized legal marketer and law firm executive, Jessica has spent her career helping attorneys pitch their services and their resumes to some of the largest global companies and CEOs in the world. Her specialty: Helping smart professionals be unforgettably hire-able. Whether you are seeking your first job or a career change, Jessica empowers you step-by-step. Execute simple, yet practical and actionable tasks to get your resume past the stack and into the hands of your next manager.
