Are you a busy manager trying to run your team or department like a professional, but you have one employee who gives you headaches. He or she needs lots of direction, time, attention, and he or she zaps your energy. It’s gotten to the point where you need to give some tough feedback. It can be stressful to sit down one-on-one and give crucial feedback, but it’s also part of the a great leader. If you’re feeling the stress or the struggle of giving tough feedback, then this blog post is for you. I’ll tackle the most effective ways to give feedback that builds bridges, not destroys them.

If your frustrated and tired of watching your employee struggle, but you’re stressed and nervous by the idea of giving your employee tough feedback, then keep reading. I’ll walk you through step by step how to give candid, tough, but effective feedback to your employee,  so he or she can grow and thrive (and you can stop sweating!). I’ve seen this work time and time again with my own employees and have coached my managers and clients to use these strategies to make the process not waves.

Step #1: Make it private and confidential.

It’s preferable if this space is not in your bedroom, just to create a healthy boundary between your sleep space and your workspace. But if you have to add this space in your bedroom, opt for a partition or divider to keep these spaces semi-separate.

Step #2: Remove personal tasks and distractions from your view

“How do you think things are going?” Let the employee open up about what they think is going well and what they think could be better. Giving your employee space to provide this feedback to you will allow you to see if your employee knows he/she is struggling or if you need to reset expectations.

Step #3: Level set with the employee’s emotions.

It’s time to break the bad news that the employee isn’t performing as you’d hoped. If the employee knows this already and has acknowledged it, you can say something like, “I can understand how it must feel frustrating for you.” However, if the employee is way off track, it’s better to try something like, “I have some news that may catch you a little off guard and I want to prepare you that this might be hard to hear.”

Step #4: Acknowledge your feelings and perspective.

Step #5: Invite the employee to problem-solve with you.

Step 6: It’s about coaching, not venting.